With everything that has been going on, I had misplaced this journal, going through one of my lesser used bags, I found it at the bottom and now, while I should be out doing something else, I find myself sitting against this tree, writing my thoughts on paper. I look up and I see the citizens of Orgrimmar coming and going about their business. What are their lives like? One face is missing however, Annjia. I have not seen her in quite some time and I can't help but grow worried. Are we friends? I am not certain, but she helped more than she probably knows and I grew accustomed to seeing her within this city.
Summer is burning brightly now. The heat is unforgiving but it seems to be kindling new beginnings all around me, like a wildfire spreading and encompassing everything in its path, leaving ashes but allowing for new growth. And like with any fire, to me it is mesmerizing to watch, hypnotic in its beauty and destruction but overwhelming with its power. The flame, a term that is now used to describe me from my man of the shadows. Kazak'guul has said I am his flame there in those shadows, but I have to question, like any other flame will I destroy what comes too close? Will the shadows eventually smother the flame or will the fire defeat the shadows the loom seductively close? Is either outcome truly beneficial to anyone?
On a lighter note, the mid-summer fire festival is ending, one of my favorite holidays. I took a lesson in fire spinning and I have to say that it was invigorating! I chose the poi and while I received a bruise for my efforts and wasn't quite up to lighting it just yet, I am intrigued and I plan on asking Nystia for more lessons, to aid the fire in dancing, with control and discipline, it seems to be a safe enough outlet for my frustrations that seem to accumulate day by day. Fun, that is a term that I may have forgotten but I am determined to retrieve it and add it back into my everyday vocabulary. I believe I started out quite nicely with my impromptu dancing the other night. The night before Westel's wedding I came upon Zau'tal, Kruega, and Westel. I really should have known better, approach three men, the night before a wedding while the groom was present, I really should have known this would not be in favor. Perhaps a small bit of self punishment for the thoughts I had had when I first saw Westel standing there. But I joined them, and the topic of lap dancing came up, I don't even remember how such a thing got started, but Kruega had admitted that he was not familiar with such a practice. It all kind of snowballed from there. Westel believed that every man should experience a lap dance, I left the decision up to Kruega. We tossed out several possibilities, from visiting the inn in Silvermoon City, though I was concerned about Kruega's allergies, to finding someone within Orgrimmar itself. Finally, I offered up my services. It is a little known fact of how much I adore dancing. It is a wonderful way to expend energy, to allow yourself to put your emotions into pure movement. Westel seemed all too pleased with this arrangement and a secluded building was found, a new outfit, sensual and teasing, was put on and I arrived to find all three men waiting on me. I allowed the music in my mind to take over, dancing for Kruega, attempting to ignore the others were there. I was doing this for him, so that he may experience something in a much safer, controlled environment than if he were to seek it elsewhere. I had a blast, unfortunately, I don't think Kruega was as appreciative of my dance as some may have been, but he wasn't rude, he simply didn't seem to know what to think. I shall attempt to not take that as a blow to my ego.
After that, I did something even more foolish. So much so, I will not write it down, it is not something I am likely to forget any time soon. A moment of weakness, a spark that was struck that at that moment decided to flare to life, whatever it was, when it was finished I swear I could feel my heart shatter. I was wrong, my heart didn't shatter, until the following evening. I am forever grateful to Zau'tal, Westlynn, Mukwa, and so many others. Zau'tal seems to be watching over me, I am certain on orders from Doc. At the wedding, it was no different but he seemed to be enjoying himself immensely with Zeyda and I do hope there is something budding there between them, so, to relieve him of his having to watch me, to make sure I did not break down in front of the large crowd, make a fool of myself further, I left after offering my congratulations to the bride and groom. No one will ever know what that evening cost me. HE will never know how badly I hurt, I will not give him that satisfaction. This huntress will not break, pride and strength, qualities that I pride myself on.
Now, that that little bit is written, perhaps I can move on to better things in my life. I am so pleased that I joined this Tribe. I have met so many amazing beings. Doc and his family of trolls has seemed to adopt me and I adore every one of them equally. Mukwa and I had a small misunderstanding, but he truly is my best friend. I am doing everything I can to help him find his daughter. This list could go on and on and on, I truly feel as though I am part of the family and it only gets better nearly every day! There is a new initiate, or several actually but one in particular that has seemed to taken to stalking me. Alexir. Annoying, irritating, stubborn, cocky, arrogant, sexy, intriguing, pain in the ass, know it all! Its been a long time since someone has irritated me quite like he does with his getting in my face, giving his opinion and sticking cookies in my pockets!
I really should find something else to get into, I've lost so much time writing all this down. A vow to myself though, have fun, enjoy life and embrace my newfound family. There are so many events coming up, and I am looking forward to every single one of them. Until next time.
I believe I may be making progress in getting to know more members of the Tribe. I even went so far as to plan an event, inviting all of the Tribe to attend a beach party. Before that however, I was invited to take part in an impromptu swimming party, somewhere in the hills of Feralas. How could I refuse when I heard who would be attending?! An amazing chance to get to know my mentor better, meet and speak to a woman I have only seen a couple of times before, Mukwa, whom I adore, and Westel. Bathing suits and conversation? I was so there. I believe that may have been a mistake. It started out well enough, chuckling, teasing, conversation. However, Mukwa did not have a swimsuit, and so he was swimming in the nude. It didn't bother me, however when he came out of the water, it appears as though he offended Westel, which upset Mukwa who took it to heart that it was an elf party only. Which wasn't the case! I offered to go on a walk with this Tauren, Lina came along and we spoke for awhile. Once more, I found myself defending Westel. Thankfully, I speak so very little, it doesn't seem to strike anyone as strange, there are already assumptions flying around. This swimming party just continued to go downhill from there. We all returned, West didn't move away from Mukwa this time, but it appears as though we interrupted some sort of conversation between himself and a woman named Vivvienne. To make matters worse, Keslyvan showed up. Between glares and frowns from Westel, Vivvienne upset about something, Lina being tired, Mukwa had already taken off...I was at my wits end. Vivvienne appeared as though she were about to cry, Westel took off after her, I am curious as to this connection, but I was certain that I had done something wrong yet again, just when I thought I was making steps forward within the Tribe, I felt as though I had fallen fifty yards in reverse.
Yes, I had spoke to Westel about Kes. Perhaps that was a mistake, but from the moment I met West, I liked him. I could say it all started at a hot spring, but that would be a giant lie and what sense is there in lying to myself? West had invited me for drinks, and I accepted. There's something about this man. Or maybe I'm just lying to myself. I swear, he acts one way with me, and a different way with others, or perhaps he is simply different with everyone one on one. It doesn't really matter. I feel closest to him, I trust him, and I feel as though I can confide in him. To a point. He was there at my interview, he stood outside the tent with me while I was terrified that I was going to be turned away and offered whispered words that caused me to instantly relax and laugh. But that wasn't the moment I first noticed him. No, the apple festival. Silent, stoic, while all his family was enjoying in the festivities, he was on guard. I simply sensed something, and I still have this gut instinct where he is concerned, and he has yet to disappoint me. I can't help but wish I had been given to him, him as my mentor, though there are moments that I firmly believe we may have killed one another. And I do adore Lina, she amuses me as I watch her and listen to her about her life. Anyways, back to West, we spoke at length about Kes, he seems to genuinely care for my happiness. I told him the bold truth, and instantly I was considered selfish. I agree. I attempted to take his suggestion seriously, though part of me believes he may be speaking out of jealousy. Well, when I attempted to simply walk away, prepared to embrace the emptiness and darkness I knew waited...Kes has proven to be a lot more stubborn than I had given him credit for.
I am engaged to Kes, he deserves the chance to make me forget. This upset Westel, and he became formal and cool. I don't believe he got the reaction he may have been seeking, when I read his letter I was instantly furious. But would I give him that satisfaction? Not on his life! I responded in kind, and of course, that was the same day as my beach event. Which went wonderfully, I believe. Tyrlink and I seemed to provide some much needed entertainment for the Tribe, everyone was laughing, drinking, and having a good time. Well, everyone but Kes. He was insulted, come on to, and sometimes often just ignored. There is a past with Kes and my Regent, one I just found out about last evening and one that does not please me in the slightest. However, my coolness towards Westel either bothered him or realized the error of his ways because it appears we have smoothed things over during this party, despite the glares and stares of Kes while it was subtly happening.
That man is one of the most aggravating, irritating, arrogant, with one of the sexiest tattoo'd bodies stubborn males I have ever met! I think he believes he may have solved the riddle that is myself, I simply sit back amused. Does he realize that he fuels the fire? Probably...but he doesn't seem to realize that the more fuel you throw on a fire...it will eventually grow out of control and we all know what happens when you play with fire for too long. I will attempt to keep him and Kes separated, as only horrible things would come of them being too close to one another for too long, but even part of me is amused by the reactions. Little Red has always been seen as the victim of the fairy-tale, my favorite version is when Red defeats the wolf herself. I look forward to getting to know my wolf more, I believe we have much in common and I truly see him as one of my best friends now, and as his friend, I will continue to protect and defend him, even if it is from myself. Game on.
Some things are better left forgotten. I wasn't going to place my thoughts on pages this time, but someone mentioned I may learn from all of this years from now. Mourning is a process, it matters not if you mourn because of death, or loss of another type. Denial, anger, so on and so forth. Its all part of the process, so I'm told. One door closes, three windows open. Remaining silent was not the answer, I wasn't even aware of that until I began speaking.
Annjia, an elf I have met on several occasions proved to be a willing ear, even if I did seem to allude to the strange workings of my mind. It was safer to speak of the Tribe than what was truly eating at me. It did help however, despite my admitting to envisioning members of the tribe as parts of the animal kingdom. Not physically of course, more like personalities, it makes it much easier to not feel so ill at ease. I admit to looking forward to conversing with her again sometime.
Westel had found me directly after I melted two sentimental objects of Jay's. Luckily for me, he did not show up until after the deed was done and was not witness to my own, personal small meltdown. He offered words of comfort and I truly believe he could empathize with my emotions. It was nice to feel a type of sibling bonding...for lack of a better term in that moment. He recently informed me that he and his fiancee have set a date for their wedding. I, of course, offered my congratulations and I truly hope they retain the happiness they have found together.
Westlynn, my Regent, sent food and I admitted to her via a letter that I was certain I was losing my mind. I was terrified that I would be looked upon with derision, but thankfully, the delusions ceased and thanks to my new family and friends, I made it through my own personal hell.
I have not seen my mentor since the day she showed me around her and Kal's home. She seems to be incredibly busy or perhaps I have displeased her in some fashion? Either way, this Lioness will forge her own path, take the mistakes that I make in stride and use them as a learning point while attempting to find my place within the Tribe and family that I desire so much. A new initiate, Tyrlink, a troll with a goblin companion was recently added to our family. He is the mentee of Mukwa. Perhaps my friendship with Mukwa will allow me to get to know this new initiate and his friend, Molly. Speaking of Mukwa, it appears as though the potion I had helped him create is still in effect. It didn't seem to help his memories, but he doesn't seem as confused as he did at one point.
Finding myself homeless, I was offered an adventure. A series of hunts that would not only test my skill, my strength, and my wits, would also offer me a chance to get back to my roots. I remember a time I had spent more time outside the city walls than within. At some point, that had changed. This adventure is...interesting. We are only a few days in, and of course, the man I am with tries my very patience, and my willpower. Unfortunately, my patience seems much greater than said will power. Chemistry is too small a word to define what happens when Keslyvan and myself are within the same area. Passion, anger, amusement...they all threaten to consume us with a simple look and over the years apart, it seems to have only grown stronger and my willpower didn't stand a chance. He has taken to calling me 'Lioness'. And I have to admit on a girlish whim that it pleases me far more than any other nickname that has been given to me.
Things do seem to be looking up. Kes waits for me when I feel the need to return to the city, or spend time with the Tribe. He even laughed at me when I spoke about the lemon incident. Oh yes, that is something that definitely shouldn't be immortalized in writing, but I shall, to save myself confusion in later years. To make a long story short, there was a dinner for the Tribe, within Netherstorm and after we had all had our fill of the food, a game was suggested. Two lies and a truth. I had attempted to shrink into the background, unsure of what I could or would share with the people I am trying desperately to get to know. But it was pointed out that I had not had a turn, and so there I was, looking upon all of them. I don't know what prompted me to come up with these, but when I spoke, I had said 'I have never worn a very large, yellow plaid shirt before. I cannot fit an entire lemon into my mouth. I have a tattoo that very few have seen.' Of course, the truth is my tattoo. Well, Elder Pipiltin was convinced that I could indeed fit an entire lemon in my mouth, and conveniently she had a lemon on her. Unfortunately, everything stopped at that moment and she wanted me to put the lemon in my mouth. This is truly a moment I will probably never live down. She was staring me down, and so, with very little choice in the matter, I put the lemon in my mouth. And it fit! How embarrassing! I was promised a pie however afterward. A lemon pie.
I cannot believe I have written so much, perhaps I should do this more often so I will not waste such a long period jotting everything down in one sitting.
I believe the event went well. A Noble Garden celebration hosted by myself and Lina. I feel I may owe Lina an apology however, I was so nervous that I think I may not have been much help throughout it. A lesson well learned however, I am not capable of finding little white bunnies in the foliage. Sneaky little things. I suppose I just didn't find my inner bunny like Jay. I like to think that everyone that attended had a good time. Lina did an amazing job with it.
On a different note, honesty is a complicated venture. I always strive to be honest with everyone I deal with. However, perhaps omission is just as big a betrayal as an outright lie? I chose to be honest with Jay...and sought advice from Lina. It was good advice and left me with much to think on, but the pieces that I chose to omit continue to eat at me. I gave a promise however, and learned that perhaps the pup may be a wolf in sheep's clothing. For now, I have decided to begin a new venture, gold is a much needed resource right now for a gift I wish to purchase. I hope, with the added work load, some things will drift from my mind.
Vendel'o eranu.
How long has it been since I've sat down to record my thoughts? Even considering that question boggles my mind. Keeping my thoughts and emotions locked inside has been detrimental and become quite the habit as of late. Perhaps my mind will rest a little easier if I write some of them out, I am not truly sharing them yes? There is no harm in writing. So much has happened lately, so much of it is very good.
Where to start? The beginning would be the obvious answer, but that isn't quite as easy as it seems and I don't look forward to sitting here for hours to try and record it all. So for now, I will highlight the events that had occurred lately and I may look back on this one day and laugh. I have found a new home and a family that I am becoming very attached to. The Burning Tusk Tribe. Everyone I have had the pleasure of meeting has been wonderful. The interview was unnerving, but with some support from an unexpected source, I made it without fumbling too horribly. Much is happening with my new family, some of it concerns me and I hope they realize that I am willing to help those that are ailing in any capacity I am able. They have been winning my loyalty and devotion as I watch their own loyalty and devotion to one another.
I like to think that I've been making new friends in this new journey of mine. Mukwa, or as I was told to call him, Bear, is a delight to me. He has problems with his memory, a venture I've been looking into with potions at his request. Aevelina, my mentor. I am enjoying getting to know her and her gentleman Kal. I can see us becoming close friends. We are co-hosting an event tonight, something that I am so nervous about, but with her guidance and patience, I think it will go very well. I am using this writing as a way to not sit around and stress about it honestly. There are so many more, a forsaken woman whose words, from what I've seen thus far, never fail to make me smile. Pip, an elder of the tribe and her mate Urukha, I watch their closeness and I smile. A young girl named Kuv, even our conversation made me smile. I seem to smile a lot around this new family. As I write this, I realize that I am putting off naming one being in particular. This both makes me laugh and irritates me, those around me probably wondering why I sit here, writing and chuckling. This being is an enigma. I was told I keep my thoughts too secret. Why advertise how much of a fool I am? For once the huntress will not get her prey.
On to a safer thought process perhaps? Okay then. Yesterday was my first tribe meeting. Beforehand, Jay found me. Jay and I have had such a strange...relationship as of late. What he did however, surprised me to the point of speechlessness. He had obtained the Vial of Sands. I cannot even begin to describe how it felt the first time I transformed. Or how indebted I feel towards him. He truly is a sweet man. Too sweet for one such as me. Only time will tell where that leads. The meeting went well, I was introduced to more members of the tribe and afterward I almost obtained a new pet. A rabbit. Sweet little thing, we had thought that we knew who the rabbit was...but looking back now, I have to be wrong. We then went on an excursion to find something that would help with this sickness that is hurting my new family. I was honored to be allowed to come along and dismayed as I watched those around me become wounded by a powerful enemy. I realized then, I would do anything for the members of this tribe. One day, I hope to.
It is time I stopped wasting time now, perhaps I'll write again soon, to remember these moments in life.
